Today’s lesson is on using the NVC system to solve problems or an uneasy feeling.

NVC stands for Non-Violent Communication. It is an excellent system for communicating, connecting with others, and fixing problems. Personally, I would rather spend 5 minutes helping a friend using NVC than listening to their problem for hours. The link to the NVC website is below for the book or workshops if you enjoy this lesson and want to learn more. The workshops are good because you get to practice using the system. It is more difficult than I originally thought to tap into emotions and to not try to fix a problem or relate to their surface emotions. Today, is about you though- not others problems 🙂

The longer that a person gets into studying Tantra and yoga the more they are aware of others’ emotions and their own emotions. Dealing with others can sometimes be very difficult to the point that we want to become hermits… or we want to ditch some of our family and friends to have only awakened, mature people surrounding us. While this can seem appealing (and might be needed with some negative friends), it is better to first try learning how to understand and communicate with others. Often when people are upset, they are talking (or yelling) about something different than what is really wrong.

A small example of figuring out an underlying issue is when I get angry at another driver then the anger is only the surface emotion. Underneath, I am feeling fear of injury/safety, uneasiness of the stability around getting fired for being late, or lack of understanding/support to others that this person does not care about wasting our fuel sitting through a traffic light. That is how I can somewhat settle a problem without talking to the other. Of course, beating anger out on a punching bag or running could help some people too. It is not great to keep “bad” emotions.

NVC delineates four components of working through a problem or feeling:

First step: Observations free of evaluations from the listener

Second step: Feelings straight from the heart

Third step: Needs, values and longings (chart below)

Fourth step: Requests expressed clearly in positive action language (to own self or with listener if solving issue with them)

First, let’s try using NVC with ourself alone.

Lesson:

See if you have any uneasy feelings in general. It can come from any unmet needs that you may not be aware of. Perhaps, it is as small as needing more fruit in your eating or to stretch your body. It does not always need to be large life changing things that make us feel uneasy.

Sit back in a quiet room or with headphones. Tap into your inner self by taking a few deep breaths. See what comes up. Read through the following lists. Tap into yourself deeper again, and see if anything from the list stands out.  

Needs Inventory:

MEANING
awareness
celebration of life
challenge
clarity
competence
consciousness
contribution
creativity
discovery
efficacy
effectiveness
growth
hope
learning
mourning
participation
purpose
self-expression
stimulation
to matter
understanding

AUTONOMY
choice
freedom
independence
space
spontaneity

Here is a list 

Or another list in PDF http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/pdf_files/feelings_needs.pdf

The next lesson offers a problem sheet.